Phew, the prospect of spring is lying heavily in the pregnant air, and my mood swings are much the same. The clue is in the word 'swing', wow, the view from the top of the swing is awesome, but how quickly the ground can rush up to my eyes, but luckily it is only for a moment!

This week I would like to share the bestest way to 'let go' of stuff. Yes, tapping is cool, but often we have to go a little deeper, and little closer to finding the core. But what about the times when you don't want to go closer, because it hurts? Well, I do use a lot of 'ho'oponopono, which in itself is letting go, but sometimes even that is too...nice!

All my life I have wanted people to like me, to be nice to everyone, and not rock anyone's boat. This means that I have always figured out before the other person has even blinked, what they want and expect from me, and me in my 'niceness' morphs into whatever they need. I have always jumped into people's problems and helped, without being asked, and eventually I am expected to just do things, without any thanks or gratitude. This has always been fine, but eventually a 'tipping point' is reached. I didn't even know I had one!

This week, I bought a copy of the book 'F**k It- the ultimate spiritual way' by John C Parkin who is ironically the son of Anglican Preachers and I am still giggling. I am still twitching at the word and when I was reading it on the plane I was conscious of the cover in case I offended anyone, so there is still much 'work' to be done. However, avoidance of the word has always made sense to me. Except that most of my life I have been surrounded by people who use it, and in the end get rid of their dark moods that way. I worked in an industry where the word is used so often that it should become it's own language and I must admit hearing it said in Afrikaans isn't as cringeworthy. I have fabulous friends, who end up having sailor mouths as I would sit and shelter my ears in quiet coffee shops hoping the people at the table beside us wouldn't hear. Just in case they judge me!! All the while not realising the health benefit of actually saying it with meaning and conviction.

When a person says it, or gets to that point where they think it (like I do, because I can't say THAT!) the limit is reached. It is when all solutions have been covered, and there is no other option than to just let go, which in essence is the ultimate spiritual act. Release and let go. Ahh, deep breath. Even with a growl, it is the handing over and admitting that I don't have the answer which is freeing, so I trust myself enough to let it go.

This week I had a perfect opportunity to explore this. I had applied for what I thought was my dream job. A junior journalist for a running magazine. Perfect. I visualised, I pretended, I felt myself in that job. I knew it was mine. According to the law of attraction that is what is required of me, yes? So a couple of weeks go by and I heard nothing from them. Inside those dark voices began to whisper, ' you should have been contacted by now..' I tapped away any doubts and negativity, just in case I 'chased' the job away. So Monday comes and I get an email, saying 'thanks but no thanks'. I am floored, devastated, and I sob and rage and shout at the universe. Why does this happen to me? Eventually I get to a point where the only thing left to do is to say 'f**k it' and breathe.

I let the sad parts hang around, and I am rude to my sister on the phone and I snarl at the world. I don't try to rush away from this dark feeling, and tap it away like I usually do. I wanted to know that this did matter. It was important and it hurts like hell, f**k it!

So I allowed hubby to be his magical self, while I sulked about, crying like a kid, and today I feel good. My eyes are extra blue because of all the salt, and it's all okay. Sigh. I tapped a little today, just to check, and I feel inspired.

I don't need a dream job, I have a dream life, and I can keep on dreaming bigger and bigger! Whoa!