I want to tell you about a disease I have been suffering from, for most of my life. I thought I was over it mostly, but this past while it has surfaced again. The quiet anonymous symptoms are almost indistinguishable to the eye. I have a feeling that a lot of people are suffering from it.
It's called 'the disease to please'

You won't find the symptoms described in any health manual, nor even the psychological reference books, but it has many characteristics.
The first one, is the inability to say 'NO' and mean it, and not providing any validations or explanations.
The second symptom, is the 'fear of getting into trouble'.
Next, is the overwhelming guilt that comes after doing any of the above.
An equally powerful one is ALWAYS saying 'sorry', (the phone rings, and I say sorry to the caller, someone bumps into me in a supermarket and I'm the one apologising... etc etc)
Another one is indecisiveness, and not 'knowing what I want'
'Let me help you', is a way that a lot of my sentences start.
And a more rare one, is the inability to set goals, because everyone else has to be consulted first.

Mmm, a lot of my symptoms have indeed gotten better as a result of tapping, but there is still much work to be done.

Tonight I almost put down on my Facebook status, 'no more mrs nice guy', but I knew that would mean a barrage of questions from my family, so I am going about it in an explanatory way, more for my own therapy, of course, So sorry that you have to read it!

Putting myself last has always been second nature to me, in fact, I turned it into an art form! I even convinced myself that I liked losing.
But I realise now that I have to train myself into being more self- ish. A huge physical lesson in that, has been my running.
On Sunday when we line up for the 89km run at 5.30am, there will be a quiet silence and knowledge that no matter what, no-one can do it for you. Plus I can do nothing for my fellow runner neither, they have to move one step at a time, just like me.So it has forced me to become more 'self' aware, and it is a nice feeling knowing that I can rely on myself.

Many, many free treatments, money, meals, cars, clothes, babysitting, shoulder to cry on, books, dvd's, time and energy has been spent on people that don't seem to even acknowledge that I am here. Why would they, if I never fully acknowledge me? So after another subtle lesson in my giving my money away, because I don't like to create a fuss, after all what will they think of me? I get to the point where I ask, 'will it ever change?' It might, in moments, but tomorrow I might wake up and be back at the space of 'where does the planet need my help?' Who knows. At least I am acknowledging that I have a dis-ease, that is the new starting point. Tapping on that would be very general initially, then I may move onto the various symptoms I mentioned.
I like the one of tapping on 'saying NO'
I have written about this before, and I was reminded of it today with a client, and I realised that I slipped back a little at saying 'no' when I should. So that is where I will start.

After re-reading this, something must have shifted, because all sorts of different examples came up to prove me otherwise, and they can still sometimes surprise me. I want to share some with you.
I never give car guards money. I never give beggars on the road money. I shoo away beggars or strangers from my gate, no matter how good the fertilizer may be! I don't like giving to charity, especially cancer research one's, (you may recall that rant from last year!) I put down the phone on cell phone selling agents, I argue with timeshare or 'you have won a chevy spark' callers, I don't give to religious groups, (this took a little longer to enforce, after many hours in the weekly Sunday sun, debating with the witnesses about making donations for their printing material that I know I won't read). I refuse to sign email petitions of any kind, and I don't send on threatening chain email, even if the message is good. I don't like to listen to the phone call harassment about any church message, but putting the phone down on them is still a little tricky. I forget to write thank you notes. I don't always reply to sms'. I don't like drunk people and always try to excuse myself when I'm in their company. I won't apologize for eating cake in a coffee shop!!

Wow, I'm tough hey? Ha!

Think of me on Sunday as I spend the day admiring the view in the Natal Midlands on foot, until I reach Durb's by the sea.